Summer holiday stress

In a perfect world, the summer holidays can be an exciting and enjoyable time for all the members of a family. The children are delighted to have several weeks without homework and routine, whilst also having lots of quality time with both their parents; the parents thrive on being able to spend uninterrupted time with their children and being able to book off a long enough block of time from work to allow their minds and bodies to unwind properly for the first time in months (or even since the summer holiday the previous year).

However, the reality for many families is that the summer holidays can be a very stressful time when the cracks in a relationship either start to form or widen under the strain. Whilst the children are at school, especially towards the end of the summer term when there are often exams and end of year commitments to focus on, the parents may enter a form of survival mode where the priority is to reach the end of the year in one piece. People may find themselves juggling their work and home commitments in an increasingly unsustainable way, with couples focusing their spare energy on the children rather than on each other, with the end result being (whether consciously or not) that both people feel like ships that in the night.

This then often means that the summer holidays cannot come soon enough, with both parents being relieved that they have made it through the school year in once piece and promising to spend more time with each other whilst also ensuring that the children are occupied and entertained. Fortunately, many people are able to achieve this balance over the summer holidays and rediscover why they are in a relationship together whilst planning for a bright future for themselves and their children. However, a lot of people discover that they have grown apart in the preceding months (and years), that they no longer get the enjoyment that they used to out of spending time together and feel certain that there must be more to life than this. When the family then takes its annual holiday, resulting in long periods of time together for the first time since the last holiday, these negative feelings may become even stronger, with one or both parties resolving to take action as soon as the holiday is over or as soon as the children are back to school (having ensured that the children enjoyed their holiday).

It is for reasons like this that there tends to be a large increase in enquiries to family solicitors in the weeks following the summer holidays, with there being a similar increase after the Christmas and Easter holidays. However, before taking such an important and potentially life-changing step, there are a number of other steps that you might want to consider first:

1. As difficult as it may seem, try to talk to your partner about the fact that you are considering seeing a solicitor and why. At the very least, this should give them some warning that they can soon expect a letter from your solicitor, but it might also lead to some helpful discussions that allow you to take one of the other steps below.

2. Suggest to your partner that you both seek the assistance of a suitably qualified couple counsellor. As with any professional, you need to ensure that you choose the counsellor carefully both in terms of their ability/qualifications and in terms of their compatibility with both partners.

3. Consider seeking individual counselling. It is likely that, if you have reached the stage where you are considering ending a long-term relationship then you will be feeling emotionally vulnerable and/or uncertain and you may well benefit from at least an initial consultation with a counsellor to discuss your needs.

4. Ensure that a unified approach is taken to discussing the situation with the children and avoid a situation where one or both of you ends up involving the children in your adult issues and/or tries to align the children to your individual position.

5. Contact a properly qualified family mediator to discuss your situation. The mediator should then be able to talk you through all of the above steps and, if you still wish to seek legal advice at this stage, suggest some possible local solicitors who could give you the advice that you need in a sensitive way that reduces the risk of unnecessary conflict arising. The mediator should also be able to speak to the other party, with your permission, and assess whether you would both benefit from starting the mediation process at that time or whether you might benefit from taking some of the other steps above first.

If you can relate to some of the points that I have raised in this article then I hope that you find these suggested steps helpful and please feel free to contact me if you would like to discuss your situation confidentially in more detail. Please bear in mind that, whilst it can sometimes be too early to start the mediation process, it is never too early to contact a mediator to discuss your situation.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post and I look forward to reading your comments.

Euan Davidson

Family mediator

Godalming Family Mediation